My View of God

Last Sunday afternoon, after church, I decided to go for my bi-monthly pedicure and fill-in. After all, it is the day of rest, how better to enjoy it than two hours away from my regular life sitting in a massage chair, feet soaking in warm bubbly water, a chi-tea latte from Panera and getting beautified. Well, I arrived a few minutes before they were opened, so naturally I just had to go to the Panera next door. That's where I got my chi-tea latte....and...a cobblestone muffin. While I sat in a corner chair waiting for the nail salon to open, indulging in my yummy treat, I saw a family right outside the front glass doors. It appeared that they were finishing up eating in the patio area. I have no clue what was happening or being said because I couldn't hear them...I could only see them. What I saw was what appeared to be a mom, a dad, two girls...maybe 13 and 14, and a little boy who was having a serious meltdown. He was in full cry it out mode...and standing next to what appeared to be a cookie....on the ground. From my perch inside, I deducted that he had dropped his cookie on the ground, and now he was grieving. His mom patted him on the head and his sisters appeared to be updating their facebook status on their IPhones to "...and the little brother is annoying me again!!! LOL! Whatevs! #lame". That is when I saw ...something beautiful. The father came over to the little guy, knelt down next to him and pulled his son in towards him. Then he put his arms around him and just held him in a bear hug. I could see the boy's body shaking and he appeared to be crying a little harder with his face buried in his daddy's shoulder. My mind went back to a Biblical Counseling class I had in college. I remember my teacher explaining to us that often people's view of God is how they view their own father. For example, if their father was absent, they may struggle with feeling like God is never there or present for them...it affects their faith in knowing He cares. If their father was harsh and demanding they may struggle with feeling like God is always waiting for them to mess up, just waiting to pounce on them and show how they failed. Some who had fathers that never praised them or acknowledged their achievements might struggle with feeling like they are never good enough for God, that they are a disappointment to Him. I'm not here to debate philosophy or theology...but I do know there is some truth to that statement, because I have seen it myself. I started life...basically with no dad. I'm sure I have one, I just never met him and don't know who he is. Once I was adopted, I got my new daddy...Jerry Thomas. He has always loved me, always doted on me and not one day have I ever felt like my dad didn't love me. He makes me laugh, he has killed bugs for me, he has taught me...and he definitely helped shape my view of God. I struggled at first with the concept that God loved me....or that I even mattered to Him. As my relationship with my dad grew, my view of God did as well. My view of God is that He laughs with me...and thinks I'm amazing....after all I'm His kid and He did fearfully and wonderfully make me! He is always present and loves me with an everlasting love. I am incredibly thankful to Him because even though I wasn't His, he adopted me and loved me and made me His own...just like my daddy. I have had faith that could move mountains, knowing that God would heal my cancer, knowing that God would not fail me after a failed marriage, knowing that God was ever present in every bit of my life and cared...just like my dad. Friends, I'm not sure what you are dealing with that is causing your meltdown....I don't know if like that little boy you have lost something valuable to you. Maybe your job has become too much, maybe your marriage has failed or maybe you have lost a child. Please know this...God wants to come right to where you are, drop to His knees and envelop you in His love...His grace...His strength. If all you can do is bury your face in His shoulder and cry...that's alright with Him. He loves you right where you are. You can rest in that truth, and I hope for you, God just got a little sweeter just like He did for that little boy.

The Volume Button

  You are laying on the couch captivated in a Lifetime movie.  The storyline has been building, and it is almost to the best part…you are a bundle of nerves wondering just who it is that has been stalking the poor, beautiful single mom named Trixie.  All she has been doing is trying to get enough hours at the Diner to provide for her 3 children….one of whom is special needs.  She met Tony, the tall and handsome Texan cattle rancher who thinks she is the prettiest girl he has ever seen.  However, her heart still yearns for her husband Thad, who fell off the family yacht last year in the Bahamas and was lost at sea.  As the petite Trixie walks alone in the night to her tiny hatchback Datsun, she hears someone behind her……is it Tony the handsome cattle rancher?  Is it her long lost husband, Thad?.......or could it be the creepy guy that comes in the Diner every Tuesday at midnight and orders the blueberry pie….with no ice cream…?  Suddenly, pictures of cheap furniture come across the screen, and a guy named Earl is screaming at you to come to the END OF SEASON SOON TO BE CHRISTMAS HOLIDAY BLOW OUT SALE at Furniture R’Us.  At that moment, you realize how awesome it is to have a volume button on your remote control.  You turn your TV volume down from 21 to 2 in .021 seconds flat….and sigh in relief.   Quiet.  Don’t you wish we had a volume control for life?  A way to turn the baby’s cry down to a tolerable level….the husbands ball game down to a dull roar…the bickering brothers down to a whisper…Oh that would be nice.  How awesome would it be to have the ability to turn your bosses voice into a mere whisper….or to completely mute a complaining customer.   Sometimes, we all need…inhale….exhale…quiet.  Quiet…a time when we turn down all the noise of life…and just listen.  You may be wondering….”Um, what am I listening to if it’s quiet?”   Let me ask you this: Have you ever tried to listen to two people talking at the same time?  When we allow the noise of the world to constantly bombard our ears, how are we supposed to hear that still small Voice…..that Voice that directs us…leads us…comforts us.  Trust me; you will hear more that matters with the volume down than you will with the volume up.   The volume button…awesome for television viewing…but absolutely necessary for peace of mind.

My Name

 What comes to mind when you hear the name Abraham Lincoln? Cleopatra? Amelia Erhart? When you hear those names, doesn’t a whole story come to mind?  A president, a queen…an adventurer.  With just the mention of their name you know exactly who I am talking about.  Well, my name is Lisa Brown….and my name has a whole story as well.  Orphan, victim, adopted daughter, preacher’s wife, divorced, mother, cancer survivor…I could go on and on.  You know, I believe that names aren’t just a way to keep people organized….they are titles to people’s life.  When I hear about David, I know that with all of his shortcomings and failures, he was a man after God’s own heart...a picture of God’s grace.  When I hear Bathsheba, I think of her story of lust, betrayal, murder…and then a picture of mercy.  When I hear my name, Lisa Marie Brown, I see a picture of redemption.  What does your name mean to you?  At the end of the day, it really isn’t about what my name says about me….it is really about what my name says about Him.  

Veterans

 Tonight I would like to tell you about a man named Donald Bradley. Each night he goes to bed in a VA hospital....missing his wife of 50 years. He can't walk anymore....but he used to jump out of planes. He can't make his own food anymore, but he used to be able to open a MRE with his teeth. He can't care for himself anymore....but he used to do things for our country that we only read about in books. He missed months out of every year of his girls lives...because he needed to. His wife spent her nights alone in a bed, virtually a single mom, just praying...praying that her husband would come home. His daughters prayed for their daddy in their prayers each night, and listened intently for the sound of his boots in the hallway and his bag hitting the floor. His daughters grew up overseas....American girls in school in Greece, Germany...and wherever they were stationed. He served in the Korean War...and went on countless missions we will never know about.  There is another man named Mitchell Mitch Moss , I must tell you about. He was in the Persian Gulf War. Then he met Dawn at her daddy's church in Germany...like turned to love....and years later here they are in Chattanooga with 3 kids...and...a lifetime of service to our country. Then the Twin Towers happened...and Mitch had to go...not 1, not 6....but 15 months away from his family. Birthdays that he is not in the pictures for. School events that can't be relived....a wedding anniversary celebrated by a party of 1. I remember hearing my friend cry...torn between the incredible fear she may not see her husband again....and the insurmountable pressure of being a single mom.  On this Veterans Day, I would like to say a tearful and humble thank you to Donald, his wife Patsy Ann, his daughters Beth Ann and Sue Ann. I would like to thank Mitch, Dawn...and their children Bradley, Madison and Hailey. Bradley Moss sacrificed having his daddy home for Christmas....so my son Michael Brown could celebrate Christmas in freedom. I have so many special people that I know and love who have sacrificed for my freedom. Deyanira Stephen Lambert live right down the road from me....they sacrificed for me, too. I wonder if you are thinking, "Wow, she is so self absorbed, she thinks they did that just for her?" My answer is yes.....yes I do think they did it just for me. I am an American, and they sacrificed just for my freedom....just for your freedom. You see...they don't go to war and decide, "Aw, well, there's not as many people as there used to be....so we really shouldn't fight for our country anymore". One American is the same as 5 million Americans....and all of us, according to our soldiers, are worth dying for. The Americans that hate God, and the ones that believe we are one nation created under Him. The Americans in prison, and the ones that have never broken the law. The Americans that talk badly about our country, and the ones that love it. You see we all represent something...freedom. That freedom has cost many a mom and a dad to miss special days with their families.....but they believe our freedom is worth it. I thank them for that. I don't deserve their sacrifice....and I could never repay them....but I love them and my children are being taught to love them. They may not wear capes....or have the ability to leap tall buildings in a single bound...but they are the real kind of heroes...the kind Iron Man and the Avengers only dream of being.

The People I Miss

 I am thankful for…the people I miss. Before you think I have completely lost my mind, let me explain. I miss my family. I miss them terribly. There is something about having your mom, dad and family around especially in the Holiday season. I miss sitting at the kitchen table talking to my mom about everything going on while she makes the bread crumb dressing. I miss hearing my daddy cackle at my corny jokes and seeing my boys hover near him because they love their grandpa. I miss my brother and his big bear hugs. I miss my sister-in- laws. Crystal has a beautiful laugh and it's so funny to watch her and her brother pick on each other...my son Michael wants to be just like Jamie. I love sitting at Malinda's table and catcing up on life...Raul makes me laugh all the time. I miss Ann and Joe…and arguing over how we are going to divide up Uncle Tony’s shrimp salad. I miss my mother-in-law Carol, she really cares about me….and I love how she loves my children. Today, while I was standing at the grocery store I felt the tears welling up in my eyes. My nose started getting stuffy and I had to bite my bottom lip to keep from becoming a sniveling mess. I miss them…all of them. While I was standing there pretending to be intently reading a jar of olives, my work phone rang. It was one of the kids on my caseload. She was calling to thank me for the birthday card I had mailed her, and to tell me Happy Thanksgiving. She asked what time she could call me on Thanksgiving day, she has called me every holiday and birthday for the past 2 ½ years. I am the closest thing she has to family. Her parents abandoned her. Her siblings have long since forgotten she exists….she has no one. I remember that feeling. I remember being in foster care…and having no one. I remember being on a playground and kids calling me bastard and orphan. I was alone. The day I was adopted, I remember one specific feeling…it’s not really an emotion, and yet it sort of is….belonging. For the first time in my life I belonged somewhere. No matter where I went or how far away I was from my new family…I would from that day forward…belong. There were people that loved me…people that would miss me if I wasn’t around…I had a family. So this evening as I think over this day’s events; I am thankful for the people I miss. I have people to miss, and people that miss me…and that is much more than I used to have. 

Me

 I am thankful…for…me.  Yep, I’m thankful for myself.  Hold on now! Before you start commenting and giving me the definition of “conceited”, “self-absorbed” and “egotistical” please, let me explain . Psalm 139:14 – I will praise thee; for I am fearfully and wonderfully made: marvelous are thy works; and that my soul knoweth right well.  I would like to take this post to praise and thank the Lord for me.  According to scripture, that is what the Psalmist said we are to do….praise Him because we are fearfully and wonderfully made…I am….and you are.  It is amazing to me how many Christians, especially the lady folk, are bound up in their own insecurities.  Prisoners to what they believe to be their own short comings…their own imperfections.  Women, and men too, who think they are inadequate because they weren’t popular in high school, or because they aren’t built like a supermodel or perhaps they have never felt accomplished, pretty or successful.  If Christ died to free us, why do so many Christians live in their own bondage?  They willingly put on these shackles of inadequacy and spend life feeling like they aren’t special…necessary…amazing.  My friend, how contrary is this to scripture?!  Is your God the same as mine?  Does His word not say that WE are fearfully and wonderfully made?  That WE are made in His image?  That He created man and woman and said that it was VERY good?  Then shake off those chains of bondage and prepare to be amazed…you are wonderfully made….you…are amazing.  Made in the image of an almighty Savior who knew you before you were in your mother’s womb and created you with purpose, in His image and with grace just a breath away.  Let’s forgo all the amazing science of the human body…we could spend days on the immune system, heart and capabilities of the human body, let’s just say we all agree that “God does a body good”!  Let’s talk about the insecurities we have.  Do you think you are ugly? Plain Jane? Homely?  Do you think you are unattractive? Do you wonder why your spouse is even with you?  Do you think that those extra pounds have destined you for being in the “ordinary and frumpy” category?  Have you decided that those scars from a surgery, accident or acne have taken away your right to feel beautiful?  To all those questions, I answer a loud and resounding “NO WAY, JOSE!”  Are you kidding me?  Saddlebags are robbing you from the freedom of enjoying the Almighty’s wonderful creation of you?  Scars from cancer surgeries are stealing the joy you can have in knowing that our Creator fashioned you into this person perfected for a specific purpose?  It’s time to break free, my friend…time to drop those insecurities.  You may can stand to go on a diet…nothing wrong with making your temple as healthy and fit as possible, but stop the “I would be happy, or feel pretty or feel attractive if I….” (fill in the blank).  You are amazing the way you are.  I know I am.  How could I not be?  I have a scar that runs from the top of my right ear, down my neck and around to my collar bone.  It doesn’t make me feel ugly…how can something like a scar make me feel like something I’m not?  God didn’t make me ugly…I’m beautiful.  Maybe everyone is not of that opinion, but I am, my husband is…and my Creator certainly thinks I am.  I love my sense of humor; I laugh at all my jokes….God made my sense of humor, for a purpose.  I love that I am short, the cute miniskirts that no one could wear to school, I was always able to wear…they usually came right below my knee (perfect for TTU standards).  I am daily impressed at how I can draw the perfect eyebrows and apply my fake lashes…and look amazing.  Cancer may have taken them, but Revlon lets me put them right back!  I love my legs….from the
knees down my legs are AH-MAZING!  Put my feet in a pair of stilettos and whoa Nelly, my calves put Heidi Klum to shame!  If only there was a high demand for calf and ankle models, I would be on the runway, baby!  I love my ability to enjoy life and laugh at just about anything…there are just so many things that make me uniquely me and make me special.  You, have your own unique combination!  Are you an amazing listener?  Do you have gorgeous skin that requires no makeup? Do you have that amazing blonde hair I always wanted?  You see, I too once lived in bondage.  I saw beautiful women all around me that I wished I could be like.  Amazed at their freedom to appreciate themselves and enjoy how God made them.  It wasn’t until I drowned out the voices of society and those that wanted to point out my inadequacies, that I really started understanding what God had given me.  I was always too fat, too short, too…never perfect enough.  For years of my adult life I lost myself somewhere in the pit of my own insecurities.  Do you know what I realized one day?  I was robbing God of praise that was due Him for the person that He made me.  I chose to believe He had failed when it came to making me….and that just wasn’t true.  So, my challenge to you is this:  What are you thankful for about yourself?  What is the unique combination of special that God gave you?  If nobody has told you, my friend, you are beautiful.  You are made in the image of an Almighty God.  You are fearfully and wonderfully made. Drop those chains of insecurity and live in the freedom of knowing that you are amazing.  We all have areas to work on, areas we may struggle…try thinking of it like this. If you go to Niagara Falls you will have to wear a poncho because the overspray will drench you, you will need boots so you don’t slip on the extra water it produces, and you will not be able to carry on a normal conversation with those around you because the water is deafening…but, nevertheless, it is an amazing breath taking sight.  You may not be the perfect weight, you may have a quick temper, you may need to work on your sharp tongue…but you are an amazing sight to behold.  So, grab that pink boa, throw on a pair of strappy heels or sequined flats and put a flower in your hair…and start resting in the knowledge that you are the best you that God ever created! (Men, please feel free to abstain from the pink boa, strappy heels and putting a flower in your hair…unless you just want to!)

Coffee Cup Sleeves

Interesting things....those paper coffee cup sleeves.  Do you know what I mean?  When you get a HOT beverage that comes in a Styrofoam or paper cup…often they will have a cardboard sleeve of some sort that keeps the heat of the cup from burning your hand.  It’s an extra band of protection that makes the cup easier for you to handle.  Reminds me of something that I’m sure we have all experienced but may have forgotten to be thankful for.  Let me explain it this way.  A few months ago…I had yet another run in with cancer.  This time it was in my left kidney.  Three years ago I had third stage lymphoma and tongue cancer.  Prior to that, I had thyroid cancer.  I’m telling you this to set the stage for what happened after I was diagnosed.  We told my mom and dad…who told their church.  We told our Pastor, who told our church.  We told our friends, who told their friends….and their friends told their churches.  We were on prayer lists around the country.  We started receiving letter, cards and calls from Christians all over who were praying….for us.  People bought gifts for our children.  We had offers of financial help to assist with medical bills and travel expenses.  We were amazed at the
outpouring of support.  Do you know what those people were all doing?  They were being our “sleeve” on the hot mess we were in the midst of.  Essentially, they were bearing…our… burdens.  They looked at our situation and said, “We can’t take the cup from you…but we can bear some of the burden for you, to make it a little easier”.   When you have a friend going through a difficulty of life and they call just needing to talk…you are helping bear the burden, buffering the pain and making the trial a little easier for them.  When the Lord puts it on your heart to help someone financially or with child care or with just a simple hug…you are being a sleeve and helping bear the burdens of life.  We have all been there, at one time or another…so here’s the challenge: Who’s burdens can you help bear?  Who can you be a buffer for? Let me let you in on a little secret…when you are being there for someone else, it will make your own burdens so much lighter, because you aren’t focused on yourself anymore.  In essence it is a two- fer…two great outcomes, for the price of one!  

Purses

 I love purses…infact I have a plethora of them.  White, red, pink, navy, black x5, and multi-colored pretty much any color you can think of.  I, being the connoisseur of fine handbags, also have all different kinds.  Jimmy Choo, tons of Coach, Dolce & Gabanna, Guess (the brand, that’s not a question), Michael Koors….all different kinds.  Here is the irony to having a ton of purses…I can only carry one at a time.  As every good fashionista knows, you must carry a bag that matches your outfit.  Since that is the rule, I have to switch out bags frequently.  That habit has led me to a perfectly, self-designed system.  I have “mini” bags inside my main purse.  I have a make-up bag.  I have a bag of gum.  I have a miscellaneous bag…it has a pen, my headphones, tic-tacs and keys.  I also have a wallet.  None of these “mini” bags are that cute or fashionable, they simply fulfill the purpose of making my handbag switch easier.  Rather than fishing for objects, I just grab the little bags and throw them in the new bag.  It kind of reminds me of my Nanna’s saying….”She has a new bag, but the same old tricks”.  Here’s the lesson…it’s a stretch, but you will see it in the end.  I am divorced.  Please don’t turn off your reading eyes because of that…forgiven comes in all different
packages.  Again, I am divorced…and deep breath for the next wave of judgment…I am remarried.  I know there are those reading my posts that have been in marital bliss forever, and I am so happy for you.  I hope no one has to go through the heartache of divorce.  I wish I could have taken all of the hurt my children cried themselves to sleep with…it was horrible.  With that being said, it has been 8 years since that marriage ended.  Regardless of where you may think fault lies at the end of a relationship, you have to take time to reevaluate yourself.  That goes for any relationship….best friends, sisters, parents, etc. You may find, like I did, that you are not perfect….and the wrong on your side has to be addressed.   What could you have done differently?  Was pride an issue?  Were you not honest….about everything?   Whatever it is, take the time as much as you need to resolve the issue.  It may be that you can just address it with an awareness that you won’t do that again.  It may need to be addressed with some counseling.  It may be that you owe an apology…or two.  Whatever it is, get it done…or you will be taking the same old bags with you into your next relationship.  Those issues will be unresolved, unattractive and cause the same future as in your previous relationship.  Changing the handbag does not change the contents, it just puts it in a prettier package.  

Anticipation

 Our daughter, Katie, has discovered singing.  She has always enjoyed music, but just in the last few weeks has she seemed to become aware that she can sing.  Now, I won’t write a lengthy post about her delicate breath control or flawless pitch…not because I don’t want to brag, but simply because, she has neither.  She just knows there are parts on songs, that she can open her mouth wide and belt out a sound.  The hysterical part is watching her.  Elmo will be sitting at his little piano playing his own theme song.  You know the one, “Doodoododo, Doodoododo Elmo’s world, Doodoododo, Doodoododo Elmo’s world, Elmo loves his goldfish, his crayons tooo, thaaaat’s Elmo’s woooooorld!”  Right about the “his crayons too” part, Katie gets excited.  She sits up in her little seat, she takes a couple of quick short breaths, her hands shake back and forth like she has big news to tell….then right when the furry red monster says “thaaaats Elmo’s” Katie’s head goes back, jaw drops and a loud pitch in the key of #R comes belting out to sing “woooooorld” right in time with Elmo.  It is quite possibly one of the cutest things I have ever seen…ever!  Our whole family giggles at her and claps for her mini concert of one note.  She beams with pride like she has just sung “Ava Maria” in perfect Italian.  My favorite part is watching her wait for that note, because she knows its coming, and she gets ready for it.  Anticipation.  Children have the great ability to anticipate, they wait all year for Christmas, in fact half of them can hardly sleep Christmas evening, because they just can’t wait to jump out of bed and see what is waiting for them under the tree.  They are the same way with birthdays, Easter baskets and Fourth of July fireworks.   I think that the excitement of anticipation is something we lose sight of over the years.  We get so focused on what has to happen and what needs to get done in life that we lose our excitement and anticipation for what is going to happen.  When was the last time you just couldn’t wait for your birthday to get here?  How long has it been since you were excited with anticipation about seeing a gift your kids got you for Christmas?  When was the last time you were happy with anticipation over how the Lord was going to work out an issue in your life?  Sometimes, the joy is in the waiting.  You may not get anything for your birthday, but it’s still your special day.  Your gift from your children may be a tacky pair of socks that you would never wear in public, but they are special because they are for you from them.  You may have no clue how God is going to fix this situation for you, but He will…He promised.  Regardless of the outcomes, we must reclaim the beauty of anticipation in life.  It truly will bring so much joy to your journey.

History

History. Not necessarily the kind like in my college History of Western Civilization class...ugh that class...it was at 7:30 in the morning. I have no clue what happened in that class or what we were taught. I was usually just becoming conscious about the time the class was over. I'm referring to history as it relates to my life....and yours. To me, history in my relationships is like a profile.....or an about tab, to put it in Facebook language. At work I often say the phrase, "The best predictor of future behavior is past behavior....I guess
that's the same as saying "look at the history to know what they will do next". We rely on history everyday, and may not even know it. Just yesterday, I texted a snarky comment, that I will not publish on FB, to one of my best and longtime friends Dawn Moss . It had probably been a month since I had texted her.....but just as I expected, she texted me right back with the OMG LOL I was expecting....that led into a brief catch up session. Today, I went in to get Katie up from her nap, and the minute she saw me she flashed her million dollar smile, threw her arms out and yelled MAMA! She knew me....and she knew who I was to her. I've been sick all day....and while taking a break from something Griffy was working on, he came upstairs and started rubbing my shoulders and neck...I didn't ask....I didn't tell him where to rub...he just knew. I could give countless examples...and they would all show the same thing. History. Dawn knew how to answer me, and knew what I was talking about, because we have history. Katie couldn't wait to have me pick her up out of that crib, because she knew after all her sleeping sessions, someone comes and gets her....this time it was me....she and I have history. Griffy knew what hurts me the most....what causes me much discomfort - my neck and shoulders. He knows me well, we have history. It's the same for everyone in each of our lives....we have history in our relationships....predictors of where we are headed, what we will think...how we will react, based on the past. That's why my relationship with God is so personal....so special to me. He knows what I came from, and I know what He did for me. He knows about all my infirmities, and I know He has always healed me. Can you imagine how difficult it would be if every time you went to pray you had to reintroduce yourself? How hard would it be to trust and depend on a God who had no record of faithfulness, or keeping His promises...or forgiving? Do you know why I know I am forgiven when I do wrong? Because His word says He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins...and He always does. Do you know why I am confident that I am never alone, that He walks with me every step of the way? Because He said He would never leave me or forsake me...and He never has. Do you know how I know He feels every pain and heartache I do? Because When Lazarus died and his sisters were grieving, the Bible says that Jesus wept. History. It's what binds our heart to another and let's us know where they will be for us in the future. The same God that took the Children of Israel through the Red Sea, the same God that raised Lazarus from the dead, the same God who was in the midst of the fire with the 3 Hebrew children....that God has history....and if past behavior is the best predictor of future behavior, then you can stop worrying. His history says He's got this one.

Music

 Picture this: It's 11:00 at night...and after a long day of work, kid's soccer practice, dinner and homework, you are officially done. You look down at yourself sprawled out on the couch in your torn and stained White Sox t-shirt, hot pink Elmo pajama pants....and mismatched socks. You have no makeup on, your hair is in a scrunchy and you haven't brushed your teeth since 6:30 this morning. You look over at your beloved and they are snoring louder than a freight train, with that nice little drool drip on the left side of their chin. They have an outfit on equally as exciting as yours....except their socks smell significantly worse. The living room looks like Fisher Price threw up in it, and the house still smells from the fish sticks you had for dinner. This my friend, is the perfect setting for romance.....right?! Well...suddenly you turn on the music channel on your TV...and the sweet smooth sounds of Marvin Gaye fill the living room..."I've been really tryin baby, Tryin to hold back this feeling for so long...". All of a sudden, you start remembering your early days with your spouse, back when it was adorable when they drooled and the mismatched socks were cute, they had the best smelling BO ever, and you couldn't wait to be in a lip-lock with them! How about this....you are working the two year old room for Sunday School and mass chaos has ensued. There are kids on tables, kids under tables, screaming kids, crying kids, kids beating other kids, kids coloring on chairs....it's official, you are in toddler hell. So what do you do??? Start singing! "Father Abraham, had many sons, many sons had father Abraham, and I am one of them...." all of a sudden the kids are singing and trying to move left foot ,right arm and nod their head...whew, you now have somewhat controlled chaos. Ever been at the end of your rope, and seeing no end in sight you are ready to throw in the towel.....until....you are driving down the road and an old hymn comes thru the radio and pricks your heart..."When peace like a river, attendeth my way...when sorrows like sea billows roll....whatever my lot thou hast taught me to say, It is well, it is well, with my soul..." Music. I am thankful for music. It's funny how you can hear a song and it takes you back to a place....a time of laughter, or heartache, disaster, healing or any other range of emotion. Songs stand like markers in my mind of all my different life experiences....and remind me that the song in my heart, may change depending on what I'm going thru....but there is always a song in my heart. That song, whatever it is, will make my journey a little sweeter.

Bonus Card

I am thankful for my Food Lion Bonus Card! I also carry a CVS card, Walgreens card, BILO card...and numerous others. The beauty of these cards is they give me access to the store discounts, because I am a member....I'm special. Rather than buying 3 for $10...I get 4 for $10 on 12 packs of soda.....or I can get 10 cans of Spaghettios for $10! So many specials, all specially priced for members. Because I am special, I don't have to pay full price...let me say that again....because I am special...I don't have to pay full price. What a concept...it kinda' reminds me of something...does it remind you of anything? This morning Crosspointe Church, Drew Tankersley preached about how we are to be motivated by love....just like Christ was. This love made Him have compassion....this love made Him heal....this love motivated Him to give the ultimate sacrifice....His life....for mine. For me, the one with no parents, the little foster kid no one wanted...He had compassion and gave me parents to love me. For me, the one with cancer...4 times....He healed me. For me, the one with all this dirt and filth in my life, the one who has sinned in the past and will sin in the future, He died for me. Do you know the price of being an orphan? Try having no one love you. Do you know the price of having cancer? Try physical misery, pain and possibly even death. Do you know the price of sin? Try....death. SO why didn't I have to pay those prices? Why does my receipt show me getting more items than I paid for?? I'm a member...and in the words of American Express...membership has it's privileges. I was 5....in foster care, when I went to church for the first time. There was a lady named Lois Akers teaching us in Children's Church. That's where I heard for the first time, that there was a man who loved everybody. Fat kids, skinny kids, ugly kids....bad kids...that struck a chord with me, I mean, after all....only a bad kid would have parents that didn't want her. Ms. Akers told us how much this man named Jesus loved us...how special we were to Him. I knew nothing about the cross, creation, the resurrection....and really at that moment it didn't matter....I just knew I needed Him....I wanted, no I needed, someone to love me. That's when I got my membership...and I've never been unloved or alone since then. Sooooo...the next time you swipe your Food Lion or some other kind of card...remember, just how special being a member actually is.

The Joy of Cancer

Cancer was an amazing experience. I think I just heard a pin drop. It's true, I am thankful that I had cancer. There are so many things about my experience that are amazing....but let me share my favorites.  Cancer stripped away all of the unnecessary baggage I had carried everyday of my life. Those bitter moments I was holding on to, the resentment I had towards some people...the forgiveness for those that had wronged me that I refused to give out....those things seemed so vitally important at one time, but when I was looking death in the face, they really didn't seem to matter anymore. It's amazing when you let go, how much sweeter life can be. Suddenly, I saw every thing clearer and realized how important I had made the unimportant and how insignificant I had made the significant. Cancer reminded me that I am very little but my God is very big. I knew God was going to heal my cancer using the amazing medical team and medication given me. You know what I discovered about my self? It was easy to trust....when I had cancer. However, I had trouble trusting when it came to a bill I didn't have money for....or trusting Him for wisdom. Amazing, right?! I limited God to only caring or being able to help in the big things....and trivialized my
everyday needs. I rushed around trying to fix, connive and maneuver rather than sitting, praying and trusting. Thirdly...the cancer diet was the best diet ever. Let me just tell you. If I had not had cancer I never would have been able to experience a size six again. It was glorious. I was sick....vomiting....exhausted...but girl, I looked AHmAzing!! I had RIBS! You could look at my face from every angle...and there was only 1 chin! My left thigh, didn't even know the right one existed! It really is sad that all I could muster up the energy to do was to get out of bed and go for my treatments....what a waste! If I had had the energy I would have been posting Instagram photos, Facebook Pics and Tweets of myself daily. Humph...oh well....it was great while it lasted.  SO....I'm not a size 6 anymore....but I am thankful for one other thing....look back at the top of my post. I am thankful that I had cancer. That's right...had. Weeping may endure for the night.....but joy comes in the morning. Psalm 30:5

Laughter

.Bwahahahaha! LOL! Giggle giggle snort giggle! TeeheeeeeTeehheeee! Hahahahahaha! Heeheeeeheee! You guessed it...LAUGHTER! I'm sure you have heard the expression "Time can heal all wounds". Well, that may be true...but laughter can heal all wounds, too...and much faster than time. I could give you all the mumbo jumbo scientific theories about endorphins being released in your body...but why bother...you and I both know, it feels good to laugh. When I had cancer...the first time...they had to cut my neck in the front from one side to the other. Then, after they removed the cancer, they stapled the incision shut. My pastor came in, grinned at me and said "Hey, you could be the Bride of Frankenstein for Halloween!" We all laughed hysterically. When my grandmother passed away my family went out to dinner and cackled late into the night about our favorite "Nan stories and phrases"...my personal favorite was when someone would get upset with her, she would say in her classic New Jersey accent "Aw...blow it out your biscuit"! I could go on all day with the hilarity known as my life...stories involving napkin holders, backward thong underwear and so on....but here's my point....When something makes you laugh, that is all your mind is focused on for that moment. It is like a mini-vacation from your grief...or your loneliness...or your anger. It let's you focus on the trivial while the heaviness of your heart heals. The Psalmist wrote that "Laughter is a good medicine"...and I happen to know he was right.

The Resurrection

Silence. The silence was deafening. My Jesus was...dead. I remember when I met Him. I was lame when my friends lowered me through the roof that day. Lame...sick...with no help in sight. I was terrified He would rebuke me, but He was my only Hope. Then...He told me I was forgiven...forgiven. I had arrived crippled and defeated...but I walked away, healed and forgiven.

Darkness. The darkenss was chilling. My Savior was...dead. I remember when I met Him. I was caught in adultry when the Pharisees came in. They dragged me through the streets and then threw me infront of this Man. I thought He was going to kill me...but then...He started drawing in the sand next to me. He said that only those who had not sinned could stone me...and the Pharisees left one by one. He saved me from an inevitable death. Never making me feel less than Him, but making me want to be more like Him.

Anguish. The anguish was crushing. My Emmanuel was...dead. I remember when I met Him. I was just a young virgin...betrothed to Joseph, when an angel appeared to me. He told me I would give birth...to the Son of God. I was terrified, but willing. When I held my own tiny Redeemer that night, I knew this day was coming. My Son paid for my sin...and I have everlasting life because of His death.

Silence...Darkness...Anguish...but there is a stone rolling away, very soon...

Words

What a week. Seriously, I have had way better days than this past week held. One of my crazy experiences got me to thinking. I received an "anonymous" text on my work phone. I am 99.9% sure I know exactly who it was, but neverthless, apparantly they wish to remain anonymous. I can't tell you what most of it said, as children read my posts occasionally. Let's just say it was very...rude. However, there was one part that was rather interesting to me. The secret texter stated that I "look like a retired stripper with way too much make-up, mini-skirts and stripper pole shoes." Don't worry, I have had way worse things than that said to me. In fact, my sense of humor got a kick out of it. I mean, not everybody looks like they could have been a stripper in the past...so ok. As far as mini-skirts, I don't wear them...ever. I have said it before, I have aHmazing legs, from the knees down...that's why my skirt will not ever be above my knees...nobody needs to see my hamhocks. Stripper pole shoes?! Ok, that one hurt a little...since when were strippers the only ones that wear high heels? By the way, none of my shoes light up or are clear...I don't think Vince Camuto Italian leather stilettos fall in that category. With all that said, it did make me think. The texter was very angry with me regarding their case. Now, I can't give you details...but know this, their case has nothing to do with my appearance. I wonder how many times I have done that exact same thing. I have made a personal attack on someone, because I am angry at something they have done. When your husband forgets to stop and get milk on the way home, does that turn him into someone who "never thinks about anyone else and is so selfish?" When your child forgets to put a new garbage bag in to replace the garbage bag they just took outside, does that turn him into a "lazy kid?" When your coworker messes up and it effect the whole unit, does that turn them into a "dishonest and shady person?" While our character does effect some of the choices we make, it doesn't always have something to do with them. Very thoughtful people, can sometimes be forgetful. Great kids can get distracted from doing their chores. Hard working co-workers can mess up...I know I have. Our words can have powerful effects on people...we can destroy so much with just what we say. I'm sure we all have memories about something someone said to us, that we still carry the hurt from, years later. So, I'm challenged to do better. Take it from the girl who looks like a retired stripper...be careful what you say, our words can't be taken back.

Light

It was a clear, black night and I was on the last hundred miles or so from home, tired from a long day of driving. Atlanta was beautiful with its sparkling lights and stars above. I remember thinking that I wish a could lasso one of the lights or a star and make a beautiful hat for the next royal wedding, or place it in a ring that would glow for miles. It's amazing how the buildings are lit up during the day, and the stars are still in the sky while the sun is out...and yet they are barely noticeable. It always takes the darkness to bring out the true beauty and glow of the lights. I wonder how many of us spend so much time so close to the other lights, that no one really gets to see the true beauty of our glow...or what I like to call, my sparkle. I wonder if some of us are so wrapped up in our churches, and our church friends and our church ministries (attended by more church friends)....that no one ever sees our individual shine...the one God gave us. There is nothing wrong with all of those things, but you were created with a purpose, and I don't think sitting on a church pew is all it is about. The dark can be scary, uncomfortable...sometimes even lonely. In Psalms the writer said, "Yea though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death..." that sounds like a dark place to me. That sounds uncomfortable...maybe even scary. Do you notice what the writer was doing in the "valley of the shadow of death"? Walking. He wasn't holed up in a ditch, or hiding out in a tree...he just kept walking. That tells me something. We are all on a path, running a race...walking towards our goal. Sometimes that path is going to take us to dark places...but that's when we will really get to shine. Try shining bright lights in your eyes and then walking into the darkness...it seems to make things darker, even diminish the glow of other lights. Deep breath...this one may sting a little. Are we losing our perspective of what true shine is because the disco lights and smoke of our modern day worship are blinding us? Who are the stars, or even superstars in your life? I have a few. Her name is LynnAnn Murphy. She is a college friend of mine....a single mom who is a missionary in a remote area of South America. She and her teenage daughter hold Bible studies for the ladies, teach english, opened a library and work in a birthing center. They minister to widows, orphans and families. They raised their support, went to language school...and chose to follow this path for their life. She has no spotlight on her...but man, does she glow! I remeber when Crystal snow was born. I have watched her grow over the years into such a beautiful young woman. A young woman who has a heart for the people of Peru. I have watched her raise her support and loved seeing her excitement for this path in her life. She's a star in my book. Rachel Duke and Francis Maxwell are two ladies in my church. They go to the streets in the evenings on the weekend and reach out to the prostitutes in the Chattanooga area...talk about shining bright like a diamond. Here is the challenge....Your path may not take you to the desert in Africa or to the mean streets of an innercity somewhere....but you were made for a purpose...to shine your light. That's going to require that you step into the darkness sometimes so people can see your light. So...move it, my friend. It's time to get your shine on....or in my case....time to sparkle!

Blessing God

This morning I stopped near Atlanta to get a medium iced coffee and garlic bagel from Dunkin Donuts. I took a quick look at my phone to see how everyone's day was unfolding...that's when I saw a status that puzzled me. One my friends, Michael Baldwin, posted this: "I have gotten pretty good at begging God, but how much time do I spend simply blessing Him? What I need more than any thing is Him." I have spent all day pondering this status. I moved a client from north Georgia to middle Georgia, and even with her Flo Rida cd playing at ridiculous decibles, I just couldn't stop thinking about this status. Me...blessing...God. Me...blessing...God? If you are not from the south, you may not be aware that the word "blessing" is probably the most overused word in these parts. We bless everyone..sort of. "Did you see Margaret today? She's probably gained 20lbs since her husband started dressing like a woman...bless her fat little heart." "Did you know Lucy's daughter Mabel is addicted to the slot machines?...throwing away God's money to Sin City...bless her heart, I just don't know what she's going to do!" So, yes, I am familiar with the word "blessing"...but blessing God? I've heard this phrase before, but I don't think I ever grasped it's actual meaning. Throughout the day today, I have been Googling, Binging, reading Scripture, cross-referencing...and pretty much come up with the same conclusions as others. "Blessing" has several different uses in Scripture, but when it refers to God, it is praise, exaltation...worship. I do those things...and I'm sure you do, too...but could we take it a step further? Well, here's the "Lisa" spin on it. What do you buy the person that has everything? Let me rephrase that...How do you bless the Person who created everything, sacraficed for everyone....and is the only Being actually worthy of blessing? The other night, my daughter brought me a flower to put in her hair...not a real flower...a big, bright purple, gerber daisy with glitter on the ends of the petals. It was similar to the one I had in my hair...and she wanted one too. When I put on lipgloss, and she wants to put some on too...and she does....kinda...really, she just attempts to eat it. She wants to be like me...and I love it. In fact, it blesses me. My daughter wants to be a "mini-me" (can't say I blame her as I am pretty fabulous). If it warms my heart to see my children emulate me, how much more must it bless the heart of God to see me be Him to others? Saying blessings to God is good...being a blessing to Him is even better. They say that imitation is the best form of flattery...I say that imitation is the best form of blessing. My new goal is to bless the Lord, daily with my words and actions...guess I've got alot of work to do...bless my tacky little heart.

Condemnation

It was a beautiful afternoon, today. I was driving home from a fantastic mani/pedi appointment. I had selected french manicure with a purple, silver and pink plaid design. It sounds gaudy...and it is, but I love it. As I was admiring my shiny nails glistening in the sunlight, a bright yellow sign caught my attention. It was a large yellow sign with the words, NOTICE OF CONDEMNATION in bold black letters across the top. I drove about 10 seconds before it registered. I thought maybe I had read it wrong, surely I didn't read it correctly...it bothered me so badly that I turned my car around to pass by it again. It was placed infront of a cute little house with a wreath on the front door and I had read it correctly. There it was, NOTICE OF CONDEMNATION...and....what? There was a name placed under those words. That person was being given a notice of condemnation on their property. Can I just tell you I about had a running fit right there in my car? I wanted to get out and run up and down Three Knotch Road yelling "Me too! Me too!" I know legally it is a notice of Emminent Domain, where the government takes private property for public use....but please, just let me take it at face value for a second. NOTICE OF CONDEMNATION...notice of condemnation. Whew, I am pushing back the tears just writing this. (so thankful that Great Lash comes in waterproof) Ladies and Gentlemen, boys and girls...I had a Notice of Condemnation on me too....Hallelujah, Praise His name! Can I just tell you, that when people looked at me it was as if I had a huge sign with my name on it strung around my neck telling everyone that I was condmned. Hopless, worthless...of no value...condemned. But God...let me say it again...But God...He had a plan. He took this girl...*insert happy dance* and said, I've got a plan for that life, that girl...is mine. That's when my life changed. I wasn't condmned...I was redeemed...I was spoken for...I was forgiven. Do you know what the opposite of condemn is? Try absolve, acquit, approve, clear, discharge, exonerate, free and/or pardon...Can I get a witness? I am pardoned. I am free. I am approved. Never to be condemned again...my pardon is permanent. Friend, that's salvation in a nutshell. God taking a life and using it for His glory. Whether it is living in the desert teaching the gospel or working at the McDonald's drive-thru...if you are saved, you have worth! When Satan comes prowling around saying, "Remember when you..."...I can loudly proclaim, "Not me! I'm clean, I'm pardoned"! Never and I mean, never...lose sight of the wonder and awesomeness of salvation. That day was the day you moved from death unto life...from condemnation to freedom. Hallelujah!

The Journey

Today, in my usual travels, I happened to get behind a school bus taking children home. I was out in the middle of nowhere and somewhere, when the bus stopped. On came the flashing signals and stop sign as the doors opened. The bus stopped directly in front of this particular home's long driveway. At the end of the driveway, was a little old man in his car...waiting for his child, or possibly grandchild, to get off the bus. A young girl with crutches struggled to get off the bus with her pink backpack weighing heavily on her. The man awaiting her arrival got out of the car...braced her as she walked and assisted in helping her into the car. Once she got in the car, he closed the door and got in on his side. As I drove past, I glanced in my rear view mirror and saw him turning around and driving back to the house at the other end of that driveway. The next hour and a half in the car, gave me a chance to think about and pray for many of those dear to me that are struggling right now. One friend recently endured the anniversary of her only child's passing...another friend is on the cusp of divorce...then there are my friend's who recently endured a difficult situation with their children...and another was recently diagnosed with cancer. Pain...heart break...sorrow...difficult times that we all experience. Some things happen to us...some things we bring on ourselves...either way, the pain is the same and it is real. All of these things render us...handicapped, injured...burdened. All too often, we find ourselves with an "injured neighbor", or a "burdened friend" maybe even a "handicapped family member". I have been one of those, if not all of those, at different points in my life, I'm sure you have too. You know what I haven't been enough in my life? The little old man at the end of the driveway. All too often we as Christians look for ways to judge the wounded...kick out the crutches from the defeated...injure the ones already hurting. We are all on a journey, heading the direction God has planned for our life. The little old man couldn't heal the girl's leg and he wasn't at the school to carry her backpack for her...but he was able to make her "walk" a little easier and her load a little lighter as she headed home. We are in each other's lives for just a season. Instead of giving our two cents, judging or ignoring our loved one's situations...why don't we try supporting, loving and walking along side them in their journey. Sometimes, it just helps to have a hand to hold as we go through our struggles and carry life's burdens...even if they are in a pretty pink backpack.

Coffee and Church

Tuesday, I went to Augusta for work. It was a relatively uneventful trip...lots of road, lots of singing to myself and of course my usual coffee stops. I stopped the first time at Dunkin Donuts. Feeling the brisk morning and the beautiful fall leaves put me in the mood for a nice pumpkin flavored iced coffee. It was delicious. I drove another hundred miles or so, singing everything from Kirk Franklin to Katy Perry. Somewhere between "Smile" and "Roar" I realized that I was now sipping on a cup with nothing but cubes and a straw....time for a refill. This time I was near a Starbucks. I went through the drive-thru and ordered another pumpkin flavored iced coffee. Then I merrily headed back to the interstate and headed towards my destination. I picked up my coffee, sucked it thru the straw and it was...disgusting. I mean putrid. In my usual analytic way, I thought maybe my taste buds were on a break, so I tasted the coffee again. "Gah....ugh....grose" this coffee was definitely nasty. I thought how strange it was that the coffee with the flavoring from one proprietor could be so different tasting at another shop. Then my wheels started turning...in my mind. I began to think about our churches today....just hang on, I promise this will make sense. In a recent conversation with a dear friend of mine, we were heckling each other over our churches. She attends a very conservative Independent Baptist Church. They have a great choir accompanied by an outstanding pianist and organist. Sunday School comes before morning worship...and there is only one service. They wear very traditional church clothes, dresses, suits and ties. The special singer does not use a taped soundtrack, but rather utilizes the church pianist. Their sanctuary is well lit with stained glass windows going down the sides of the auditorium. They have comfortable pews to sit in with green church hymnals tucked in the back for the song service. It truly is a beautiful place. My church.....well....it's a little different. For starters, clothing is optional....let me rephrase that....clothing style is optional (clothes are required). We are a "come as you are, wear what you have" type of church. Our platform has a drum set, a couple guitars, a bass and two keyboards. Our church has enough lights to do justice to Les Miserables in a fine theatre. If the lights aren't on, it's pitch black....not one window. We don't have Sunday School, and we do have two morning services. We have no hymnals, but rather a large screen with the words for the worship service...oh, and we are Southern Baptist. (I'm relatively confident those last two words are going to make my friend's list a little shorter....but that's ok) There is one thing that our churches have in common...Jesus. While our styles may be polar opposites, our God is the same. My friend and I pray regularly for each other and are very in tune with each others struggles...we hold each other accountable. We love the same Lord, serve the same Master. We banter back and forth about our church styles...but our doctrine is the same. She loves to call me a compromiser and I enjoy calling her a legalist...but it's just in fun. I think it is sad to see one church condemning another based on it's screens and special effects...as if Jesus cares about lighting. I think it is unfortunate to see contemporary churches condemning conservative churches because they are deemed cold or uncaring...as if God's love can't be felt in a well lit area. The fact of the matter is that so many of our churches spend more time pointing at each others faults than they do pointing people to Jesus. Regardless, if you are a Dunkin Donuts fan or a Starbucks connoisseur....it's all coffee. If you attend a sacred service or a contemporary....it's all Jesus. The fact of the matter is people need Him...whether it's by an orange straw or a green one.