Day 2: I'm Afraid I Forget Too Easily How Blessed I Really Am.....

Day 2:  I'm Afraid I Forget Too Easily How Blessed I Really Am.....

I have forgotten their last name...but I will never forget what they did for me and my boys.  They were a family on my caseload and I had worked with them for about 4 months.  They were living in an Extended Stay hotel, all 5 of them in one room.  There was a small sitting area with a pull out sofa bed, a kitchenette, bathroom and a queen bed in the corner.  Their previous homelessness had almost caused their children to come into foster care, but I was helping them pull their life together so that would not have to happen.  The dad had now acquired a job as a mechanic at an oil express shop.  The mom was in her third round of chemo. Their three girls were struggling with the emotional fallout of one too many tragedies in this families life.  Bit by bit the family was growing stronger.  The agency I worked for had food vouchers that we would give each family on a monthly basis to help them.  I knew that this family's food stamps had just kicked in and the dad's income had started making a big difference in their needs. We had laughed together, cried together and everyone had done their part to make this work.  At the end of our sessions, the mom and I would have the same conversation before I left.  "Lisa, thank you for saving our family, if their is anything we can ever do for you, just name it".  Then I would tell her that they had saved their family and they owed me nothing.  However, today the conversation would have to end differently.....they were my only hope.  I hadn't eaten in 3 days and my boys had eaten Ramen Noodles for a week.  I had no way to feed them tonight because our last package was opened the night before.  My heart raced with nervousness, scared that they would reject me or worse, tell my boss about what I was going to ask them.  I was a single mom with 2 little boys and my income was 11 dollars over the food stamp limit.  I couldn't borrow from anyone, because I knew I wouldn't be able to pay them back.  So there I sat, swallowing my pride, angry and sad about my own circumstances.  Then she said it, "Lisa, thank you for saving our family, if their is anything we can ever do for you, just name it".  I spoke up and said "There is something I really need....my boys and I are hungry. Could we have your food voucher?".  Humiliated, I started crying.  The room was silent, then she got out of her sick bed.  She walked over to her kitchenette and started putting can goods and other food into paper grocery bags.  She, with hardly anything was packing food up for me.  She also took her voucher off the refrigerator and gave it to me. She put her hand on my shoulder and told me that I was a good momma....because good momma's ask for help....and asking for help isn't failure.  Oh how I needed those words right then.
I remember sitting in my car at the gas station, pulled up to the pump, pretending to look for the imaginary money I had lost.  In reality I didn't want to tell my boys I didn't have field trip money or ice cream money....so I would give them the last of what we had. Now, I was trying to muster up the courage to beg some stranger for a few dollars of gas money to get to work.  As different cars came through, I would talk myself out of asking because "that lady looks mean" or "that guy is going to say no".....and on and on it went until I would see someone with a little kindness on their face.  Then I would ask...I'm embarrassed to tell you how many times I did this.
So there I was...this morning at 3:05am at a truck stop just south of Cartersville.  I had put $35 dollars in my tank with my work gas card and then gone inside for snacks to keep me up.  A Starbucks refresher, bottle of water and a pack of Twizzlers would do the trick.  I walked out to my car, when I saw her.  She had arrived in a minivan with what appeared to be a pregnant teen and a little girl, about 7 years old.  She came over and asked if I had a few dollars I could help her with.  She said that she needed gas money to get back to Atlanta.  She had lost her job and she and her daughter had been evicted.  They had traveled up this way because they heard there were opening in the shelters, but there had not been one that could accommodate she, her girls and a soon to be grandchild. So, they put their name on the list, but were heading back to Atlanta to find some friends to stay with.  That's when I heard myself telling her that I didn't have any cash. I know what you're thinking.....you?....seriously?   I'm ashamed to say it, but yes, I did.  Then she said, "Is there anyway you could help me get my girls something to eat?".  It was like she slapped me in the face. How could I even hesitate?  Why would my gut instinct be to say no?  I can tell you why....I have forgotten where I used to be...and as a result, forgotten how blessed I really am. I was flooded with conviction.  I walked with her into that truck stop and bought 2 Big Mac Combos and a kids 6 piece nugget meal for a girl. Then I filled her gas tank. After I knew they were taken care of, I headed the rest of the way home.
I cried for a few miles, torn up at my own initial lack of compassion.  I've been that woman before and it was terrifying.  I never want anyone to be afraid to ask me for help, nothing I have is mine, anyways.  I'm not some major accomplishment.  I'm not this miracle worker who pulled herself out of the gutter.....I'm just a sinner who has experienced the grace of an almighty God....and for some reason He has seen fit to bless me. Me....of all people.
 Friends, I wonder how many times we pass by people in situations that we were once in.  Our willingness to help stunted by our lack of remembrance of where we came from.  For someone that has been a homeless orphan, foster kid, single mom, cancer patient.....let me tell you the beauty of all that history.  Those are all things I was....not things I am anymore.  Grace, mercy and a whole lot of blessings have put me where I am today. So, the next time you see someone in need....remember when you were there....and remind yourself of the blessings you have.  That will enable to show that blessing to someone else....even if it is one chicken nugget at a time.