Day 1: I am Afraid I have Spent More Time Looking in the Mirror Than looking at My Heart.

Every October Halloween decorations start appearing.  Hanging eyeballs, broomsticks and skeletons start showing up around the neighborhood. At Cracker Barrel, these decorations are out in August....but at any rate, they are out and people buy them.  They are meant to strike a "fun fear" in the people that view them,  Those decorations got me thinking about fear.  Not the "fun" kind that ghost sounds and orange lights cause....but the kind of fear that keeps me up at night questioning myself.....or my motives. Fear that I have handled some things wrong in my life...or not been the person I should be. So, for the month of October, I have decided to write a series about "Things I Am Afraid Of".  I want people to not make my mistakes....and hopefully we will  learn some things together.

Day 1: I am Afraid I have Spent More Time Looking in the Mirror Than looking at My Heart.

I have a pretty face.  It is made prettier by the BB tinted cream, mineral foundation, eyebrow pencil, blush, sparkly eye shadow, false eyelashes, mascara, eyeliner and lip gloss I put on it everyday.  It's a process.  I start with the cream...and it has to be rubbed in just right.  I then draw my eyebrows, since cancer took them away.  I have a myriad of eye shadow, sparkly, matte, bright etc, that I choose from. After my eye shadow and eyeliner is on, I move on to applying my thin mineral veil of foundation.  Then it's time for eyelashes and mascara. I put my eyelashes on with waterproof eyelash glue.  Once that is dry, I apply the mascara to complete that look.  Last but not least, lest's no forget....lip gloss.  I have all different colors, but it must be high gloss and preferably with sparkles.  I can't help it...I love it.  Then it's time to work on the frame for my face. By now, My flat iron is piping hot and ready to straighten my hair....or perhaps I will heat up the curling iron and put long loose curls....either way, I assure you, it will look amazing.  Finishing my look will be Tressemme' hairspray....and the final touch, perfume in my hair.  Then, it's time to get dressed, douse myself with perfume, shoe selection (it will be heels)....final look in mirror (some day's I really impress myself)....then out the door to face my day.  All of that, before I walk out the door.  All of that, before I face  my day.  All of that. None of that will make me smarter.  None of that will help me fix people's lives.  Not one stitch of that makeup will help me put a family back together, or rescue any kids.....or draw me closer to my own kids.  Not one ounce of eyelash glue will help my homeless client or help me love on a hurting friend. My lip gloss doesn't make my marriage stronger or give me wisdom.  No amount of hairspray will give me the words to say to a friend who has lost a child.  None of "all of that" will ever draw me closer to the One who made my face....it's frame....or the feet that slip into those stilettos.  I have spent hours of my life.....probably months of my life making my outside look like I think it should.  In stark contrast, I have probably not even spent half of that amount of time dressing or adorning my heart.  Adorning my heart with verses to meditate on, verses to derive beauty from, verses to heal friend's wounds.  Dressing my heart in wisdom from seeking the face...the only face that matters...the face of my almighty God.  The One who made the moon and stars.  The One who formed me out of dirt and breathed into me the breathe of life.  Dirt.  I am just dirt.  I am distraught that I have spent more time focused on making my dirt beautiful, rather than taking that breath of life and saturating my heart, my mind and my world with it.  As I type this, I am crying...mascara running down my face...devastated at my own oversight of my most precious commodity.  My heart.  My heart is where He lives.  My hospitality has been grossly understated.  I haven't adorned His dwelling place with half of the effort or time that I have given to my outward appearance.  I don't have a mirror to watch for imperfections or to gauge the beauty of my heart.  Well, technically I don't....but really I do.  I know His heart...and I know mine is supposed to be like His.  So if I'm looking at His heart and I see any variation in mine, that's what I need to work on.  Friends, I have so much work to do.  My prettiest features are discovered in my journey to become more like Him....then and only then will I be able to with much certainty say, I am beautiful.
 My morning routine to make my dirt pretty and sparkly won't change.....but my commitment to it will now be out shined by my daily efforts to make my heart beautiful.  My heart is in need of some fresh glitter, a good polish and maybe some touches of zebra print.