Surprise! I'm not perfect!

I have a startling confession to make.  This is going to take some of you back…so…brace yourself….I…am not perfect.  I’m almost perfect…but not quite.  I have no toenail on my left big toe. As in nothing…just bare toe.  Due to this slight imperfection, I have to wear an acrylic toenail.  Once my toenail is on…my feet look fabulous.  My open toe and peep toe shoes look adorable…and no one can tell.  There is one problem with my fake toe nail…it doesn't stay on well.  One time I bumped it on a chair in court and it landed on the witness stand.  Another time I was in church and had a glass of tea next to my chair…something must have happened because the next thing I knew, I was drinking my toe nail. On my honeymoon I realized in the wee hours of the morning that it had come off in the bed.  I was like a ninja trying to comb my hands through the sheets so I could superglue my toenail back on before my husband woke up. It has a mind of its own and seems to pop off at the most inopportune times.  There is a way to make it pretty secure however.  It requires the perfect blend of acrylic, a nail tip, and superglue.  Now, I have been getting this done for years, and I know the way that works best.  The problem is, that every nail salon I go to thinks they know how to do it better.  I get tired of explaining myself….every time…to whoever gets assigned my pedicure.  Even people that have done it before, still continue to haggle with me over the right way to do it.  Just this past Saturday I had to explain, again, the proper way to do it.  It’s on, but he still didn't do it the right way.  As a result, this morning, I was putting on my superglue to hold it in place.  It got me thinking about some other things in my life.  I may be an expert on my toenail….but there are other things I really struggle with.  Ironically, I am quite a bit like my nail technician.   God has a whole book that spells out for me how to deal with life, trials and struggles….but I often insist on doing things my way.  As if I know better…as if I am an expert on life.  I stress about things like groceries and bills…when He tells me He will supply for every need.  I worry about my cancer coming back…when He clearly tells me that He won’t bring me through what I can not handle.  I try to manipulate situations to have outcomes that I want…when He tells me that He will work all things together for my good.  I worry about being alone in trials…when he tells me that He will never leave me or forsake me.  Chances are, you have found yourself in the same boat I have.  Trying to tell God what is best for our life and how it needs to work.  Isn't it tiring?  Aren't you ready to just rest in that peace that passes all understanding and cast all your cares upon Him?  I know I am.  So rather than mess things up, raise my blood pressure or have another sleepless night…I am going to do it His way.  That will be my only guarantee that I will be doing things right…and they will work…without superglue.

Rules

It was late and I was tired. Don't worry....I still looked fabulous, but I was tired. This has been an exhausting week of on-call for me beacause I have had to go out almost every evening. Once again my phone rang and so out the door I went. I headed out to pick up two children and place them in a foster home. Now, this may suprise you...but I'm a pretty laid back worker, as in I don't get worked up about much. This has led me to a list of rules that I follow in my work because they make my job a tiny bit less stressful. Rule #6: I don't chase runners...ever. If a kid is going to run from me, I let them go. That might sound strange to you, but I have a reason. Unless they are running towards me, I'm never going to catch them. They are trying to run away....that intent and goal makes them have even more speed because they are determined. I, on the other hand, can't put my hands on them so what would I do once I got to them? I can't hold them down, tackle or stop them....so why waste all that energy and let's not forget about my shoes! These shoes I wear are not made for running. On this particular call I was wearing black, lace covered Guess stillettos, with a patent leather bow just below the peep toe...they are simply divine. Anyway, I really just wanted to get this call over so I could get home. I arrive at my destination, get the kids and head to the car. That's when the five year old made a run for it. I wasn't particularly stressed...because he's five, his legs are shorter than mine, I mean how far could he really go. So I try my usual tactics like "Hey buddy, can you show me how your car seat works?" and "Little man, want some candy?". He would stop and listen then look like he was debating....and then start running again. So, I waited. The area was well lit...but in order to get away from me, he was going to have to run into the shadows and I guess that looked too scary for him. He would get close to the darknes and then sprint back into the light. Basically I was watching a five year old do a running shadow dance...I figured when he got tired he'd come back....and he did. Now I'm more tired and feeling a little frazzled, so I was relieved to get on the road and head to the foster home. Now, this house has a huge hill...actually, it's more like Mt. Everest, for their driveway. It's one of those that when you try to get out of your car you get beaten down by your car door that keeps trying to shut. So here I am in 4 inch stillettos trying to get out of the car on a hill.....needing to hold onto the car door just to get out and stay upright...but it keeps shutting on me. Mercifully, the foster mom sees me and heads out. She goes around and gets the little one out of his car seat, and I go to get the five year old out of his. The door is pushing on my hiney while I'm trying to unbuckle his 5 point harness seat, balancing on 4 inch stilettos....on the side of a Mt. Everest. My head keeps bumping into the kids head so he is now holding my head up by my bangs to keep me from bumping him anymore and kicking me with his cowboy boots. Sweet mother of mercy...I was so over it at this point. I get him unbuckled and hold the door open (feeling like I'm going to fall forward at any minute since I am now facing down hill in 4 inch stilettos)..and that's when he took off. I saw him running down the hill, but I thought how far can he really go...he's just five. Well let me tell you, that kid was part cheetah. I'm standing there (barely) with a laundry basket and a car seat...foster mom is holding a toddler and an open pack of diapers...and cheetah boy is running for his life right down the middle of the street. I attempt to climb up the hill towards the porch so I can put the clothes basket and the car seat down. However, there was no way i could do it in my shoes. I put the basket and seat down and had to take off my shoes...I wrestled with the car door again so I could throw my shoes in the front seat. Then, barefoot, I grabbed the basket and seat and put them on the porch. Meanwhile, foster mom had decided to take off after cheetah boy who was running for his life in those little cowboy boots. I see her running with a toddler in her arms, leaving a trail of diapers behind her. Rule #6: I don't chase runners...ever. Well, considering the cheetah boy appeared to be on his way to Michigan, I was going to have to make an exception. So, I got my chase on. Yep, I got in my car, backed down Mt. Everest and started after the boy. I couldn't see him or foster mom anymore, so I followed the trail of diapers. My windows were down and I could hear her yelling my name...I see her, with the toddler, and cheetah boy in tow. I had already removed the car seat....so he held my hand....through the widow, all the way back to the house and up Mt. Everest. Finally, in my bare feet, I get the kids placed and am on my way home...barefoot and completely frazzled. I was laughing out loud in my car just visualizing the whole fiasco. It's funny how in life we make a set of rules based on our experiences. Rules like, "I'll never marry becuase I don't trust men" or "I don't go to church because churches are full of hypocrites". Rules that define our life...but don't always make sense. Often we make these rules to protect ourselves from being hurt. Well I'm here to tell you, that your number 1 rule should be the same as mine....Be Flexible. God is going to bring, or maybe has brought already, so many opportunities into your life...and if you can't be flexible and put your heart and life out there...you may miss something amazing. Can I take it a step farther? Don't let anything stand between you and your relationship with God. If you have His direction and leading....just go with whatever it is. Don't let rules, caution or others stand between you and doing His will in your life. Just take off those stillettos, throw them in the front seat and head on after that cheetah that He wants you to pursue. After all, He's God, and He's got this.

Clouds

Today, I am thankful for clouds. Heading down the road the other day, I was surrounded by beautiful scenery, sunshine and cool temperatures. I loved looking at the vibrant trees and colors of fall. Interestingly though, not all the places were bright. There were some places that were dark and gray, patches of no color. I was confused at first and wonder if perhaps there had been random fires or if maybe a tornado had wiped out the area. Then I realized what was happening...there were clouds that were blocking the sun from hitting all of the hillside. The big white puffy clouds were beautiful suspended in the air, but casting shadows on the trees below. You know what's interesting about shadows...you can hide in them. The trees with the shadows were as beautiful as the others....colorful and alive...I just couldn't see them temporarily. A couple of months ago, I read a quote by Tyler Perry. He said, "Don't try so hard to be seen, sometimes God has you hidden for a reason". Several years ago, my marriage had ended, I lost a loved church and ministry...lost people I thought loved me and I was a single mom. Anger and bitterness had crept into my heart and taken over like a wildfire. Through a series of events the Lord impressed hard on me to move to Chicago. His leading was so direct in every step...and we landed in a little church called Beecher Baptist Fellowship. It was a small church filled with people who loved the Lord and loved others...that church was our cloud. I didn't sing in the choir...I didn't speak at ladies meetings and jubilees...I didn't work with the teens or even teach Sunday school...we just rested...and healed. Being removed from all that we knew gave us a renewed awareness of God's love, His grace and His voice. He was constantly emulated in that group of believers that banded around the boys and I and lavished love all over us. We were so broken and they were so kind. There are times in all of our lives when we have to, like those trees, be removed from the strong sun and heat of our lives...and like Ps. 91:1 says "...abide in the shadow of the Almighty." Things are different now...I have ministries I work in, am remarried...and life is very full. But I will never forget my time in the shadows and the healing that took place. I will never forget the love and compassion I experienced from that church that loved us...right where we were. May God help me to see when others are in the shadows of life and to be Him to them.

Leaves

I was sitting in my big comfy chair, legs stretched out on the ottoman and holding a warm mug of Chi-Tea. The house was quiet and the sun was setting. To the right of my chair just through the kitchen are french doors that look out into the back yard. Something caught my eye. There was a beautiful yellow leaf gently floating to the ground....followed by a red one and then a fiery orange leaf as well. Today, on November 1, 2013, I am thankful for leaves. These past few weeks our church has been having a sermon series about Hebrews 12: 1-2. There is a part in that passage that says "laying aside every weight...". I have spent some time reflecting on just what those weights are for me. They aren't always bad things, I mean the scripture goes on to say "...and the sin which does so easily beset us"...so I know the weights aren't necessarily sin. They are just things that weigh us down...maybe things that make our life harder. As I watched those leaves floating downward, it occured to me that they will never be back on that branch. Other leaves may come, but the fallen ones will never be back. They have been "laid aside". It's remarkable to me how different a tree looks without the beautiful ornamentation of the leaves. The leaves give bright buds of green foliage in the spring....followed by bursts of greenery....then slowly emblazening into reds and yellows...and then....they are gone. A bare tree...just branches and trunk. I've been there. I've been at those points in my life when God said, "Ok, it's time for everything to go". It was just me and Him. Times when I felt like my whole life had been stripped away. I had lost friends, a child, a church, a ministry, a marriage, my health...my hair. Stripped down...just me and Him. Somethings we choose to have leave our life but other things leave on their own. Either way, it hurts. I think sometimes we try too hard to hold on to things that are just weighing us down. Maybe it's a relationship that isn't good for us. Maybe it's a job that is holding us back from being where we need to be. Possibly it's a habit or addiction that is costing us way more than we ever intended to pay. You know what's really neat about the leaves falling off the branches? The branches start lifting higher as the weight falls off. They aren't overwhelmed by the mass anymore....they are free. Free. The leaves aren't necessary for the survival of the branch...they just make it a little prettier. What is it that you need to lay aside? What or who is weighing you down? Here is what I know...once those leaves are gone, they won't be back. The beauty of it is this, once they have left and you have had some time to lift back up...there will be room for some new leaves. My goal this year is to bud some pink glittery ones.

My View of God

Last Sunday afternoon, after church, I decided to go for my bi-monthly pedicure and fill-in. After all, it is the day of rest, how better to enjoy it than two hours away from my regular life sitting in a massage chair, feet soaking in warm bubbly water, a chi-tea latte from Panera and getting beautified. Well, I arrived a few minutes before they were opened, so naturally I just had to go to the Panera next door. That's where I got my chi-tea latte....and...a cobblestone muffin. While I sat in a corner chair waiting for the nail salon to open, indulging in my yummy treat, I saw a family right outside the front glass doors. It appeared that they were finishing up eating in the patio area. I have no clue what was happening or being said because I couldn't hear them...I could only see them. What I saw was what appeared to be a mom, a dad, two girls...maybe 13 and 14, and a little boy who was having a serious meltdown. He was in full cry it out mode...and standing next to what appeared to be a cookie....on the ground. From my perch inside, I deducted that he had dropped his cookie on the ground, and now he was grieving. His mom patted him on the head and his sisters appeared to be updating their facebook status on their IPhones to "...and the little brother is annoying me again!!! LOL! Whatevs! #lame". That is when I saw ...something beautiful. The father came over to the little guy, knelt down next to him and pulled his son in towards him. Then he put his arms around him and just held him in a bear hug. I could see the boy's body shaking and he appeared to be crying a little harder with his face buried in his daddy's shoulder. My mind went back to a Biblical Counseling class I had in college. I remember my teacher explaining to us that often people's view of God is how they view their own father. For example, if their father was absent, they may struggle with feeling like God is never there or present for them...it affects their faith in knowing He cares. If their father was harsh and demanding they may struggle with feeling like God is always waiting for them to mess up, just waiting to pounce on them and show how they failed. Some who had fathers that never praised them or acknowledged their achievements might struggle with feeling like they are never good enough for God, that they are a disappointment to Him. I'm not here to debate philosophy or theology...but I do know there is some truth to that statement, because I have seen it myself. I started life...basically with no dad. I'm sure I have one, I just never met him and don't know who he is. Once I was adopted, I got my new daddy...Jerry Thomas. He has always loved me, always doted on me and not one day have I ever felt like my dad didn't love me. He makes me laugh, he has killed bugs for me, he has taught me...and he definitely helped shape my view of God. I struggled at first with the concept that God loved me....or that I even mattered to Him. As my relationship with my dad grew, my view of God did as well. My view of God is that He laughs with me...and thinks I'm amazing....after all I'm His kid and He did fearfully and wonderfully make me! He is always present and loves me with an everlasting love. I am incredibly thankful to Him because even though I wasn't His, he adopted me and loved me and made me His own...just like my daddy. I have had faith that could move mountains, knowing that God would heal my cancer, knowing that God would not fail me after a failed marriage, knowing that God was ever present in every bit of my life and cared...just like my dad. Friends, I'm not sure what you are dealing with that is causing your meltdown....I don't know if like that little boy you have lost something valuable to you. Maybe your job has become too much, maybe your marriage has failed or maybe you have lost a child. Please know this...God wants to come right to where you are, drop to His knees and envelop you in His love...His grace...His strength. If all you can do is bury your face in His shoulder and cry...that's alright with Him. He loves you right where you are. You can rest in that truth, and I hope for you, God just got a little sweeter just like He did for that little boy.

The Volume Button

  You are laying on the couch captivated in a Lifetime movie.  The storyline has been building, and it is almost to the best part…you are a bundle of nerves wondering just who it is that has been stalking the poor, beautiful single mom named Trixie.  All she has been doing is trying to get enough hours at the Diner to provide for her 3 children….one of whom is special needs.  She met Tony, the tall and handsome Texan cattle rancher who thinks she is the prettiest girl he has ever seen.  However, her heart still yearns for her husband Thad, who fell off the family yacht last year in the Bahamas and was lost at sea.  As the petite Trixie walks alone in the night to her tiny hatchback Datsun, she hears someone behind her……is it Tony the handsome cattle rancher?  Is it her long lost husband, Thad?.......or could it be the creepy guy that comes in the Diner every Tuesday at midnight and orders the blueberry pie….with no ice cream…?  Suddenly, pictures of cheap furniture come across the screen, and a guy named Earl is screaming at you to come to the END OF SEASON SOON TO BE CHRISTMAS HOLIDAY BLOW OUT SALE at Furniture R’Us.  At that moment, you realize how awesome it is to have a volume button on your remote control.  You turn your TV volume down from 21 to 2 in .021 seconds flat….and sigh in relief.   Quiet.  Don’t you wish we had a volume control for life?  A way to turn the baby’s cry down to a tolerable level….the husbands ball game down to a dull roar…the bickering brothers down to a whisper…Oh that would be nice.  How awesome would it be to have the ability to turn your bosses voice into a mere whisper….or to completely mute a complaining customer.   Sometimes, we all need…inhale….exhale…quiet.  Quiet…a time when we turn down all the noise of life…and just listen.  You may be wondering….”Um, what am I listening to if it’s quiet?”   Let me ask you this: Have you ever tried to listen to two people talking at the same time?  When we allow the noise of the world to constantly bombard our ears, how are we supposed to hear that still small Voice…..that Voice that directs us…leads us…comforts us.  Trust me; you will hear more that matters with the volume down than you will with the volume up.   The volume button…awesome for television viewing…but absolutely necessary for peace of mind.

My Name

 What comes to mind when you hear the name Abraham Lincoln? Cleopatra? Amelia Erhart? When you hear those names, doesn’t a whole story come to mind?  A president, a queen…an adventurer.  With just the mention of their name you know exactly who I am talking about.  Well, my name is Lisa Brown….and my name has a whole story as well.  Orphan, victim, adopted daughter, preacher’s wife, divorced, mother, cancer survivor…I could go on and on.  You know, I believe that names aren’t just a way to keep people organized….they are titles to people’s life.  When I hear about David, I know that with all of his shortcomings and failures, he was a man after God’s own heart...a picture of God’s grace.  When I hear Bathsheba, I think of her story of lust, betrayal, murder…and then a picture of mercy.  When I hear my name, Lisa Marie Brown, I see a picture of redemption.  What does your name mean to you?  At the end of the day, it really isn’t about what my name says about me….it is really about what my name says about Him.